


The truth is hard, face it or leave it

by schrijverr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12 x 14 rewrite, Angst, Canon Rewrite, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt Dean Winchester, Mary is een kutje
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 06:51:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18911773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrijverr/pseuds/schrijverr
Summary: A rewrite of 12 x 14, because I felt Dean deserved to get mad at his mom for leaving him again





	The truth is hard, face it or leave it

“I am your mother, but I’m not “just a mom”. And you are not a child.” Mary shot back.  
Sam watched his brother break even more and his own heart split in two with Deans response: “I never was.”  
Dean sighed dejectedly then he looked back at their mother and softly said: “You know I can still hear his voice. ‘Watch out for Sammy. Look out for your little brother, boy’ always a ‘Yes, sir’ in response. Never asking questions, always just following the orders, always getting left behind to fend off what was coming at us” he looked up at Mary, hurt eyes, “Guess it’s always gonna be like that. When it’s us or them, it’s gonna be them. That’s just the choice you make.”

Sam could see his mothers shocked face. He knew that she didn’t know and couldn’t know, but right now he didn’t care. He was mad at his mother, mad for leaving them, leaving Dean, when all he had done was giving up everything to honer her memory and care for Sam. When he quickly glanced he could see actual tears falling down his face. Mary probably didn’t know how serious Dean crying and giving into his emotions was, but Sam did. 

Dean swallowed and suddenly started yelling, anger taking over: “I gave up everything. Everything, to keep this family together, to keep what you built. You’re right, you don’t know this Dean, because your Dean died along with you in that goddamn fire. I was the one who had to take your place, I was the caregiver, not dad. Never dad. Too busy drowning in his own sorrow or in his glass.  
It was me who taught Sam to walk, to talk, to read and write, to brush his fucking teeth, I taught him how to flirt, how to drive, I was there when he was down, when he lost, but also when he won. I was there, but do you know who wasn’t? The Dean you knew, the John, you knew.   
You once said to me that you didn’t want us to have the hunting life, but guess what you weren’t there to have a say in it. And it happened without your permission, so I’m sorry we’re not the family you wanted, ‘cause we’re the family you have. Life’s that way, you don’t really get to pick how you live, I didn’t want to be a mom, but I am and I got over it. I love it, even. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Every time I look at Sam, I see the one thing I did right. Maybe if you looked you could see something you can love too, but you don’t, you run. You run like dad did when it got hard.”

Then Dean threw the closes chair and stomped off, wiping his face not even looking in Marys direction. Sam got up to, but he new that Dean needed to cool off and wallow alone for a bit. He sighed and let his shoulders sag, he knew Dean didn’t regret giving up his childhood for Sam, but every time it was brought up it hurt Sam, because Dean shouldn’t have to had to make that choice.

When he heard someone swallow he remembered that Mary was there. He looked at her and saw that there were tears in her eyes along with unanswered questions. She softly asked: “Sam?”  
He shook his head and said: “You missed a lot. Grieve changes people, I got a small glimpse at the John before the fire and I know that that John would probably never done such a thing, but the John we knew did. That might be hard for your head to wrap around, but it’s the truth.”

Mary nodded and uncertainly asked: “And Dean, is he..?  
“He dealt with enough to get over this, but it will be hard and even though I desperately want to get to know you, the one drive behind my whole childhood, the one thing I never had. I blame you for this, for breaking Dean. He doesn’t deserve that, not after everything and I need you to go.” it were probably the hardest words Sam had ever said, but they were the truth.

Sam had seen how happy Dean was when their mom was back and she ruined every memory he had of her, every little thing he had clung to, to get him through life. “But,..” Mary didn’t know what to say.  
Sams face hardened and he said: “You can come back when you’ve decided to stay and not break Deans heart. I would advise you try to find out a little more about us when you try to influence our lives, because we deserve that much at least.”

Then he walked after his brother to talk him of, what surely would be, the edge. Maybe later they could be a family, but not now, not after that.


End file.
